Saturday, January 10, 2015

12 (Funny) Things I Learned from my Children

  1. Nothing is ever completely mine - not anymore.  Oh, don't get me wrong.  I have plenty of my own things, but my clothes have spit marks on them and my shoes have scuff marks because my children walk on my feet more often than their own.  That bag of Christmas candy I thought I hid was found...and eaten!  That favorite necklace that went missing last summer was found in my daughter's closet along with the scarf I forgot I had last winter. 
  2. Grocery shopping is a mini vacation!  (Praise the Lord for 24 hour stores!  Now you can throw the kids in bed and let your husband "watch" them.) Who says grocery shopping is a horrible thing?  I "get" to go out...alone...and shop!!  And, sometimes I even stop and get a smoothie or a coffee or something to nibble on the whole way through the store.
  3. Blue's Clues and Dora are awesome. Who knew??

  4. Doing anything at all in the bathroom by myself is overrated!  (I have decided to get myself a supper soaker (water gun) and keep it in the shower so next time my son comes in on me, I can unload on him!  He won't know what hit him...well, he might figure it out after a few seconds!) 
  5. Primping and putting makeup on without an audience is a thing of the past.  Even my son questions what certain things are called, what they are for and why they aren't working.  (Yes, thank you for that, Son!)
  6. My clothes are outdated and embarrassing.  I hear, "Are you really wearing that?" a couple of times each week these days.  To which I usually return, "Are YOU wearing THAT??  Ewww!!  I wouldn't be caught dead in that!!  Ewww."  It usually works.  They look at me as though *I'm* the crazy one, try to hide a smerky smile and head back down the hall to continue admiring their oh-so-much-better clothes. 

  7. "Resting" when you're sick doesn't happen anymore.  Now I chase sick kids around with buckets "just in case".  I change bed sheets and disinfect the bathroom while praying my husband doesn't get it (because that's worse than all the kids having it at the same time...ya know what I'm sayin'?!?).
  8. The  hours between 9:00 P.M. and midnight are the absolute best for eating illegal contraband like brownies or caramel pop corn.  There's just something so exciting about eating in peace and quiet and without any one there to look at you with pitiful eyes as though you really should be sharing with them. 
  9. Good Will is a dreaded place!  No child should have to be in there for longer than 20 minutes - tops!!

  10. Kids eat a lot.  It's like they're addicted!  They want to eat.  Every.  Day.  I'm afraid I've become an enabler!!
  11. It is absolutely necessary to carry jumper cables at all times.  Apparently the batteries in modern day mini vans go dead when children leave the doors open all day long.
  12. "We'll see", "possibly", and "maybe" all mean, "Absolutely!  NOTHING will get in the way of your doing whatever it is you want to do!!!"

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