The Male Brain

...is a wonderful thing...if you're of the male variety.  If you're not, and 99.99% of my readers are not, then you will be as shocked as I was to learn this...........

Did you know...??

...that a man has a deep, dark hole where no woman has ever been before? {And I'm pretty sure we're not invited!}   But don't worry!  There are no secrets in there.  In fact there's nothing at all.  Seriously!  I've been told this is true by my husband, my father and my brother-in-law.  And they should know.  They're all men. 

They all said they can sit down and think of absolutely nothing!  All of them said this!!  To me this is unimaginable!  

I'm usually thinking of at least 2 or 3 things at a time.  In fact, my brain starts to work before I'm even completely awake in the morning.  I think about what I need to wear that day; what we should eat for dinner, and how much gas is in the van.  {Seriously not sure why I obsess about the gas levels in my van the way I do?  My husband tends to enter his little land of nothingness every time I mention this topic...!}

So, anyway, I actually tried to empty my mind of everything and think of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 

Here's what happened:

First, I sat down.  And then, I tried really hard not to think of anything except for the wonderful nothingness, the blessed quietness, the peaceful "empty hole" the guys had talked about.  

It was very hard for me.  I found myself thinking about the girls in the shower - were they using too much shampoo??    {Who cares!?  I was taking a thinking break!!}

But, then there was bread in the oven.  I didn't want it to get over done while I was in oblivion...if I could ever get there. 

...and the laundry...always the laundry.....

And last, but certainly not least, I thought about how I couldn't stop thinking about random things!!  

I asked my husband for further instructions on how to find this fabulous, void space.  He, in his male logic, told me that I would never be able to think of absolutely nothing as long as I was thinking about how I could not think of absolutely nothing.  Then he told me to "just stop thinking".  

Umm...hello...aren't you dead at that point....???  I never realized this was possible for one who's still breathing!

The moral of this story:  

I'm an epic failure when it comes to thinking like a man...or not not thinking like a man....??  

But it's probably a good thing.  For one thing, there's a very good chance I'd never want to come out and join the real world again.  Which explains allot when you're dealing with your man....achem...

And the second thing - I'm kinda glad my brain works all the time.  I mean, what if one day it just never snapped back...then what would everyone do without me??  No seriously.  {not really...maybe a little bit.} 

So, now you know!  When you call your husband's name and he doesn't answer, you can relax knowing that he's not ignoring you, or thinking of anything else - he's simply enjoying a brief pause in brain activity.  

When this happens, do what I do:  Ask for $50.00 for your retail therapy.  Depending on how far he has sunk into that deep, dark pit - you just might get an affirmative.  If and when this is the case - because I'm sure you'll get more than one chance to try this - don't waste any time!  Get to the store and SHOP before he comes out of his little black world and changes his mind!! 

As crazy as it sounds to NOT think about something...be glad!!  Be very glad YOU are a WOMAN!!!  =P

Remember, wisdom is putting knowledge to work - using it in a good way to accomplish something fantastic.  So be wise with the knowledge I've shared and use it to accomplish something wonderful!!  

{This post was meant in fun.  My sister and I had a good laugh over it all and I thought you might too.  No men were harmed in the writing of this post - and, yes, my husband reads this blog post!}

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