Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Funny Epitaphs

Yeah, you read it right, and no, I haven't gone crazy...at least not all the way.

You see, my husband - I can always find a way to blame him - preached a sermon on "What is Your Life?".  It was very good.  He was talking about the 3 things you find on every tomb stone (besides the name of the deceased).  One was the date of birth...we can't do anything about that day.  We can't change the day we were born.  The second is the day of our death.  We can't do anything about that day either.  We will die when it's time and only God knows that time for us.  The third is the dash between the birth date and the day of our death.  Our life is represented by a single dash on our tombstone.  The main idea behind the sermon was, "what are you doing with your life?"  It was a very good sermon.

Anyway, he downloaded some epitaphs that are pretty funny and I thought I'd share just a few:


Mary Weary, Housewife
Dere Friends I am going
Where washing ain't done
Or cooking or sewing:
Don't mourn for me now
Or weep for me never.
For I go to do nothing
Forever and ever!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ann Mann
Here Lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
December 8, 1767
London, England
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beneath this silent stone is laid
A noisy, antiquated maid,
Who from her cradle talked to death,
And never before was out of breath.
Here lies, returned to clay
Miss. Arabella Young,
Who on the eleventh day of May
Began to hold her tongue.
1794 -1863
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She lived with her husband for 50 years
And died in the confident hope of a better life
Burlington, VT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grieve not for me my husband dear.
I am not dead but sleeping here.
With patience wait - perforce to die
And in a short time you'll come to I.

The husband added:

I am not grieved, my dearest life.
Sleep on, I've got another wife.
Therefore, I cannot come to thee
For I must go and live with she.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They abounded in riches
But she wore the britches...
Essex, England
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here lies the body of 
Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
Uniontown, PA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
See, I told you I was SICK!
Littleton, CO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up and no place to go.
Thurmont, MD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is my daughter standing beside a tombstone in Boothill cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona.
It says, Hanged by mistake, 1882, He was right, we was wrong, but we strung him up and now he's gone.

These are true and found on real grave stones.  I typed them out exactly as they are.  I thought these were some of the funniest ones.

1 comment:

  1. kind of nice some folks may have wanted folks to laugh even after they were gone, you think? Sue

    ReplyDelete