Today we have Ann from Stringer Mama guest posting for us!
I'm so excited to have her. I know this post will be an encouragement.
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It was the best ultrasound I had ever had for one of my children. She jumped and waved and just seemed to be so excited that mommy and daddy could see her! The doctor said everything looks great! Healthy baby, healthy mommy makes a doctor happy.
Four weeks later it was time for another routine check-up. I went by myself since my husband was in seminary and always very busy. He stayed home with the kids and did some homework. The doctor was just going to measure and listen to the heartbeat. Normal check-up.
They couldn’t find the heartbeat. The doctor was not expecting anything wrong. He said at 14 weeks it’s very unlikely I miscarried. I believed him and was calm until my baby came up on the screen and all of a sudden I knew. That sweet beautiful baby we had seen just four weeks prior was no longer bouncing and waving. She was still and nothing was moving. Not even a flutter could be seen. I had seen enough ultrasounds to know that my baby was gone. The doctor muttered something about how he didn’t know what happened and sometimes we don’t know what happened. He left and I wept. I didn’t know I could cry so many tears.
The pain and the loss took me by complete surprise. I had no idea how my heart could literally feel as though it was breaking. After all, I had never seen her face, never touched her little nose, never counted her toes. And I never would. Not in this life anyway.
Fifteen weeks before I lost my baby girl, my husband and I bowed in prayer and told God that if He wanted us to have another child, we were willing. We were in the most precarious financial state of our lives and the future was so uncertain. But we knew that God had laid this decision on our hearts. Within one week I was pregnant. I remember laughing when I found out and said to my husband, “God doesn’t waste any time taking us up on our promise does He?”
Within a month we had moved and my husband had started Greek classes in seminary. He came to me and said “We need to name her Dorema if it’s a girl.” I didn’t really like the name but he explained that the Greek word meaning was special and that he really wanted that name. I let it go and somewhat hoped that he would change his mind.
The afternoon following that doctor appointment, when the tears stopped flowing and my husband and I sat together mourning our little one, I said “You’re right, we should name her Dorema.”
Dorema is taken from James 1:17
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.”
Dorema is the Greek word for “perfect gift.”
Because that’s what she was. God gave her to us because we wanted to give Him the gift of another child. She was His to do with whatever He chose. I will always miss my little girl and wonder what life with her would have been like but God holds the big picture and I don’t.
Now I am looking forward to that day when I will run to give Jesus a huge hug and then I will turn and there will be my little girl waiting for her first hug from mommy and I will get to touch my perfect gift for the first time.
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**To read more of this series, "God's Grace Through Miscarriage", please click here. **
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thank you for sharing about your perfect gift. :o)
ReplyDeleteI love the ultrasound photo! Thanks for sharing your story about your precious baby :)
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