Friday, July 13, 2012

My Funny Pregnant Story...

This seriously happened to me.  I promise, I couldn't make this one up if I tried!  It's gross, but it's also hysterical.  If you don't laugh at life, you'll you might as well enjoy what you can - even if it's at my expense!

Warning: This story is not for the faint of heart.  If you can't take disgusting or gross, don't read this story! 

My son was born in June of 2006.  We were thrilled.  He was our third child, and our first boy.  Not to mention, I don't do well when I'm pregnant, so I was just thrilled to be 'normal' again.

Then, in September, I discovered that I as expecting again.  I wasn't happy.  In fact, I was miserable!  Not that I didn't want another child, but it's very hard to care for the children you have and a husband when you are sick around the clock.  

Around 20 weeks, I started having what I thought were contractions.  I became very fearful because I had not wanted to be pregnant again so soon due to the age of my son and the fact that I was still so tired of being sick and tired all the time.  I was afraid that God was going to take the baby because I had not been thankful.

I began to pray.

By the next morning the contractions were worse.  It was a Sunday Morning.  I told my husband that I would not be going to church that morning.  He called me between Sunday School and Church to check in.  I told him I wanted to go to the ER.  Things had not improved.  He found places for the older girls to go that afternoon and took us - me, my son, and our unborn daughter - to the ER. 

After several years, I mean hours, in the ER we were sent home with the diagnoses of "bladder infection".  I had never had a bladder infection before and was relieved that that's all it was!!

All I had to do was take a couple of different pills.  One was to relieve the infection and the other was to help me keep my food down.  I couldn't even brush my teeth or swallow water the wrong way without loosing my dinner - how on earth was I supposed to take a pill and keep it down long enough for it to do any good??  And how do you keep a pill down when you can't keep your food down - even one designed to help you keep things down??

And the kicker - I had to eat before I could take the pill!!  Double whammy!!

So, we stopped and got some dinner and took it home.  People don't generally appreciate pregnant women running back and forth to the bathroom every time they take a bite, and most restaurants don't allow you to eat in the bathroom - which would have been a tad awkward for my husband anyway, so taking it home seemed to be the best option for us that day.

We got home, and I took a bite, then another.  Actually, I took THREE bites and decided that would have to be enough.  I swallowed the pill as fast as I could and lay back on the couch telling myself that it would be ok.  I could do this.  I could do this.

I could not do this...

photo credit


I jumped up and ran to the bathroom.  It was only a brief 20 foot run, but I didn't quite make it.  I 'baptized' my husband's new, 37 inch, TV - (he's still bitter!  You should hear him tell this story!!  You'd think I did it on purpose and had a blast in the process!!)  Then, I got to the tile, and, well, I slipped in my own - you know - and fell down - flat on my back!!

So now I was lying on my back, covered in yuck, looking up at the ceiling.  The entire hallway, including the bottom 3/4 of the walls, was covered too.  My arm and my head hurt so bad, I forgot I was sick!  I was lying there thinking, "I'm going to have to go back to the ER with a broken arm and covered in this!!"

I was trying to think of a way to change my clothes without moving my arm when my husband started demanding that I tell him what was going on.  He doesn't do well with disgusting smells or sights and didn't want to risk coming over to where he might would definitely be subject to something disgusting.   So, he stayed in his recliner and demanded that I tell him what was going on.

Meanwhile, I was still trying to figure out how to move my arm, clean the house and myself and....well, the whole situation was pretty bad.  When I didn't answer, my brave husband decided to venture out of his comfort zone and come to my aid.  One glance from him and he was depositing his lunch right next to mine!

By this time I was sitting up watching him in disbelief.  Didn't he know I already had too much to clean up??    I very calmly informed him that the toilet was only a few short feet away, and could he please feel free to use it?  So, he made his way to the bathroom and I burst into laughter.

He totally missed the humor in this situation and demanded that I stop laughing which only made me laugh even more!  He kept asking me what my problem was and why I as laughing when, obviously, NOTHING was funny!

Honestly, I didn't know what else to do at that point, so laughing seemed a good idea...I mean, seriously, who would believe such a story??

I was able to get up and clean the house and take a shower.  I didn't try the pills again that day and I didn't go back to the ER.  We also didn't go to church that night as my husband was sure I was losing my mind and felt the need to stay with me.  I think he just wanted to make sure I didn't go near his TV again.

The moral of this story - Don't get a bladder infection when you're pregnant!!!

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  1. You sound so much like me..I just had my 3rd child back in March and my first boy and I do not do well with pregnancy...I am really hoping we aren't so much alike that I too get this month lol! That is my style first 2 are 14 mmonths apart and my other 2 are 18 months. Than ks for the good laugh this morning! I am glad it only ended up being a bladder infection!

  2. Me too, AshleyBeth!! And, I love your name. fyi, the baby that was born 18 weeks later was named Jennabeth. :)